Right now, I have the house to myself. My music is up very loud, and I'm working out - even though I'm battling a hangover and I'm not burning very many calories. Across the street, I can see from my front bay window a family in their brick Colonial house is having a Christmas Party, because it's Christmas Eve. I always liked Christmas Eve better than Christmas Day. I think there was such a finality to Christmas Day, but not the eve. The Eve was filled with cookies and the sarcasm my family was so adept at. As a kid, I always felt special when my mom or older sisters would allow me to wrap presents with them on christmas Eve. I miss being a kid, but then again, I do not. But now, this Christmas, I feel like the oldest person in the world. I feel completely and utterly alone. Last year, me and my husband drove the 400 miles to Georgia to watch my neices and nephew tear into presents. I felt the first twinge of family ever since my dad had died and my mother decided she wanted a new family. I tried to buy and find everything and anything my sister would want, just so she would want me there and love me and to have a good christmas. We gave my neices and nephew an Xbox and games and whatever else we could find. This year, I got nothing, I gave nothing, there is just nothing. My husband is working, I'm sitting in my living room, listening to music.
There saddest part is my sister's facebook status a few days ago, in which she wrote: "I love my wife, and my older sister!" .... I guess not me. I really feel like I have no family left at all. Neither one of my sisters give a damn about me, and my mother will never understand me or love me, I don't think. I never thought this would happen to me. I always thought I'd be surrounded by this amazing family, these amazing women who taught me everything I know. But I'm not. And I'm scared. Very, very scared.
You are family to me, don't you ever forget it. You're never alone because you're always on my mind. Sincerely.
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